So I am sitting at home like always with my darling husband who is lovely and a bit grumpy we ran out of cigarettes, soda and food today and my paycheck that was supposed to be delivered Friday didn't arrive so all the wonderful plans we made are bye bye I could cry. But I don't because I am strong and have to hold it together because I think if one crack shows I would shatter into a million pieces and there would be no putting humpty back together again. Nine Inch Nails (our favorite band) was here in concert tonight and we (me more than Ryan) really wanted to go but taking care of our kids, paying bills and buying groceries were more important. I was majorly bummed but you know its the life we chose so we moved on then the texts start. I simply ask what time tomorrow is Nana's birthday? I get twoish and can you bring salad stuff? (remember I did not get paid and I am still trying out how I can make plain oatmeal interesting again) I say no I have no money... Then I get well I am at a concert can't talk now (I am a pretty clever girl so I start to put it together) then I say I got no paycheck can't bring salad stuff I get I am at NIN concert now!!!! The girl I am texting is not a fan of NIN and knows that we are this is the same girl who asked me to watch her dogs on mothers day... I guess I should be glad she didn't ask me to babysit her kid. That would have just put the knife right in my back. I try not to be a jealous person or envious but man oh man sometimes I really wish I could take the easy road ignore the electric bill and my kids and go to a concert and get drunk and have someone else take care of them. (Of course I have Ryan but going and doing that would result in a lot of passive aggressive crap I don't want to deal with.)
So tomorrow I am going to go to this birthday party that I don't want to and am probably going to hear about how awesome the concert was and I will bite my tongue, fake a smile and say maybe next time (even though I know Nine Inch Nails is planning on touring no more after this.) All because my since of duty and family come first and I know that its not fair to punish the kids (by not being able to play outside and get doted on) and the rest of the family because I am upset (probably for no good reason) at one person. I would love to say next weekend I could relax and have fun but it sounds like we are going up to the MIL's which will actually be nice except the drive because she is good company. So now I am going to read some magazines and try not to feel sorry for myself maybe I will get on the Wii Fit. Ha Ha!
Few things I am grateful for today:
---Parents that even 3000 miles away buy us groceries
---Kids who don't complain they have had oatmeal for breakfast everyday for a week (Mommy will get you a special treat, lots of "cookies" aka cheerios)
---A husband who threatened to ban Grey's while Aunt Flo was visiting because he hates how distraught I get.
---Every breath I take.
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